Karthik's Blogs

Anient Greek Cults

In 521 BC, the Dionysus Degenerates got into a heated argument with the Absolute Athenacolytes just outside what is now Athens
The Athena Admirers accused the Dionysians of draconian devolution into drink and drugs, of setting artistic advancement alight, and of destroying the altruistic decorum of affable democracy with abhorrent disdain.
The Dionyphiles disagreed. They argued that drawing distinctions between angelic acts and divine debauchery only dehumanized the downtrodden, who aspired to live freely and simply in their humble abodes.
As tempers flared, rhetoric gave way to raw emotion. Arguments turned to accusations, and soon both sides were shouting over one another. When one Dianopheliac accused the Athenamorists of being a cult, all Hades broke loose. It became a full-blown screaming match, neither side yielding an inch.

“You’re a cult!”
“No, you’re a cult!”
“UR A CULT!”
“Uraculturaculturaculturaculturaculturacult—”

When the sun finally set, the Athenians returned home, livid and humiliated. Yet, in their outrage, a spark of inspiration struck: if being called a cult was so shameful, perhaps it could be transformed—refined, repurposed—into something admirable.

And that, my friends, is how the Greeks invented culture.